7th Graders in the Spring Time

There are so many days while I am going to work, at work, or home from work that I think, "I hate teaching. FML. My principal is schizo. Why am I doing this to myself?!"

Luckily, I spend my days with 12 year olds. Most people would not consider this lucky, but in the grand scheme of all things annoying and bureaucratic in the NYC school system, they are simultaneously the bane of my existence and my little saving graces.

Spring time in the 7th grade is particularly charming. You see, it is this cosmic time in the universe when they lose complete control of their bodies, minds and inhibitions. As mother Earth is bringing things to life everywhere in nature, so is she bringing alive the hormones in my adolescent students.

Spring Hormones = Daily RIDICULOUSNESS = Gut bursting Laughing = I can tolerate teaching

A few examples from today alone:

• Between the change of 1st and 2nd period, an 8th grader sets off a stink bomb in the boys bathroom. My classroom is across from the principal's office and all 3 of my administrators were in the doorway with that "look" on their faces. I overhear things like, "Damn yo! What's that smell?"  "It's your mom!" "Close your legs bitch!" "Dammmm nigga what'd you eat for breakfast!" Amazing.  My favorite class comes in, and I am in just as giddy a mood as the kids and laughing at all the responses. 
• In the midst of this, I realize the Daily Edit I have up on the SMART board still has the corrections on it from the previous period because I can hear all of the kids being like, "Quick, write em down before she notices!" Of course, then I do, and let out a GASP (think, "Oh!" with a "you little cheating f%uckers" sarcastic undertone) and sprint to the projector from the doorway to cover it and quickly delete. Another student I love is grabbing my arm so I can't delete it, but I win. I turn around to see my principal in my doorway with a look of death on her face. When I explain that the answers were up and I didn't notice (while chuckling), she gives me a good laugh, sigh of relief, and walks away. THANK GOD.
• One of my favorite students (I just adore him - dimples and raspy voice and all :) looks me dead in the face and says, "Miss, I don't wanna go to the bathroom, cuz I'm scared of the smell, but I REALLY gotta go!" with the most pained look on his face doing the pee-pee dance in his chair. Roaring laughter commences,  and he gives it a shot. 
• As this kid is coming back from the bathroom - with his face still tucked in his shirt, we all stop to listen to my principal SCREAMING at the obvious stink bomber. "HOW DARE YOU SET OFF FART BOBMS IN THIS BUILDING!" Again. Roaring laughter. We hear her scream the phrase "FART BOMBS" at least 3 more times, and so far we have lost at least the first 10 minutes of class. 
• Before I can even stop myself, I tell the kid, "Dude, you totally just dragged the smell of nasty egg farts all the way back from the bathroom with you." One of my awkward former ELLs starts laughing harder than I ever even thought was capable from her and she falls out of her chair. Another 5 minutes gone and we're still roaring.  (This was just 20 minutes of the day mind you...)
• 7th period, I have a class come in and one of the girls has 2 helium inflated balloons because it's her birthday. Her friend accidentally pops one of them on the screw from the table leg as I am standing right behind her. At the same time, an announcement comes on over the PA system. About 10 seconds later, this girl leans down over the popped balloon, sucks up some helium, and starts talking like a munchkin  - in the midst of an announcement. I tried to get angry and scold her. I laughed. I begged her to stop. I laughed harder. She just kept going. She finally paused - so we might be able to hear the rest of the announcement, but no luck. There was a little left, so my advice: "You might as well finish it off and entertain us since we're already way off task." And she did. About a minute later, she asked if she could get a drink of water. "Why, because your mouth is dry from all the helium you were huffing? You can go, but please don't tell your mother I let you huff helium in my classroom." She was like, "Obvi," and smiled at me.

Man I love some of my students.

Sometimes I wonder who the source of some of the issues are in my classroom. I just can't help myself. There's no sense in getting angry when all you really want to do is laugh. Sometimes, 12 year olds annoy the crap out of me, but it's usually because they're being funny at an inopportune time. In the spring, however, I have learned you just have to laugh it out and move on. Otherwise, I would be screaming angrily about FART BOMBS at the top of my lungs, and who the hell would take me seriously after that?